- We are tired of talking!

Maram Masarwy is one of the old in the kibbutz. No more than in the thirties, but still a veteran. That's because she has lived here for more than ten years. She belongs to the generation that has lived in the process of living with the enemy. Stay with the enemy. That's exactly the way she puts it.

- When I moved in here in the late eighties, we had group discussions and seminars all the time. We discussed everything, and in a rather loud and heated way. Bitter controversies emerged that have not yet been resolved. Eventually we realized that we could not live in an atmosphere of constant political strife. We calmed down within a minimum common multiple. The new families that are coming are more aggressive. They have an anger in them that this society can no longer solve.

And does that mean living here has gotten worse?

- It has been difficult all the time. Living with others means learning to understand them. We must deal with both our own and the feelings of others, both our own and the ideology of others. We must value what we have in common, and dare to confront what we do not have in common. But the most important thing in this process is that you get to know yourself. If you do not do that, you can not understand others.

The most difficult thing is not the conflict as such, says Maram. Those who live here have more or less the same political outlook. They work for alternative solutions based on mutual respect and recognized boundaries between two states. There are issues that occur in daily life that are the problem.

- When they celebrate, we mourn. When we celebrate, they mourn. We are two nations, each with its own set of emotions. Eventually, I learned to respect their joy even though I could not feel it. But new residents who move into the kibbutz do not make it. They are angry. They have an anger inside that we try to alleviate through therapy and conversations. But it is important to emphasize that for us it is not about giving up this mind. It's about being able to handle it.

Psychologist for the enemy

As a Palestinian, Maram initially believed that this mind was peculiar to her people. She had a perception of the Jews – she uses that word – as more relaxed. Eventually she found out that this was not the case: – It was surprising to me that the Holocaust still rests so heavily in the consciousness of the Jews. I have neighbors who feel that the whole world is trying to wipe them out. And those are young people. Sometimes I get the feeling that they think we are also out to destroy them. I often feel forced into a role where I become my own enemy's psychologist.

The enemy. But can she, with her hand on her heart, say that she has friends among the Israelis living here?

- I have close friends among the Israelis. Next to me lives a Jewish woman. We share everything, and are closely connected to each other. She talks to me about her fears, and I talk to her about my hopes. I think it's a feminine thing. It seems that the women here establish friendships in a different way than our men do. We have something in common in the way women approach problems.

The conflict between Israelis and Palestinians is a masculine thing, Maram believes. It belongs to a sphere that women can leave when they meet in issues such as child rearing and school.

But that does not mean that women are raised above the national divide. Maram talks about the time when things were going wrong. It was an Israeli soldier; a son of a Jewish family in Kibbutz, who had been killed in Lebanon. The family wanted to hold a common memorial for everyone, but the Palestinians did not want to. It became a very bitter conflict, says Maram. But she is not afraid that this society will one day collapse.

- We have a lot of psychological and mental confrontations here. But no physical. We have never attacked each other. And after all, we feel much safer here than most people do outside.

Does not teach Arabic

At the same time, she believes that the situation has gotten worse over the last three years. The intifada and the suicide bombings have made residents more tense. Many, like Maram, work outside the kibbutz. In the segregated outside society, they face all the irreconcilable steepness that characterizes both parties to the conflict.

- When I see what is being said and done in Israel and Palestine, I am convinced that this conflict will never be resolved. I get the same feeling when I meet the school children here in the kibbutz.

The residents of Neve Shalom are proud that they managed to build the first school in Israel for both Palestinian and Jewish children. But Maram says the school is not as successful as an integration project.

- My hope was that the Jewish children would learn Arabic. But it has gone badly. Palestinian children speak both Hebrew and Arabic, but the Jewish children speak only a few words of Arabic. Language is an effective tool for breaking down barriers. When we have not succeeded in the language, we will not be able to lower the barriers either. Jewish and Palestinian children do not play together here either. They play separately.

Although Maram thinks the kibbutz will survive, she is not overly optimistic about the future. Everything will be worse, she thinks. Here, as everywhere else:

- The situation will gradually get worse until the moment when both parties realize that we must live together. But honestly, I do not see anyone on the Israeli side who is truly peace-oriented. They are very far from wanting peace. I perceive Jews as simple people; easily influenced by radical groups that are looking to nurture the psychological fear. These groups are hammering in the message that the Palestinians want to drive the Jews out to sea, and the Israelis are believing in them more and more.

- When you hear these allegations often enough, and they are also carried by the media, the average Israeli is scared. They start looking at the Palestinian women who come to clean their houses as terrorists. They stop looking at the Palestinians as human beings. They prefer not to see the humane in us. If they opened their eyes and saw us as the people we are, they would have moral anguish over the way they treat the Palestinians.

On the other hand, Maram is not blind to the chaos on the Palestinian side. – The management is corrupt and incompetent. Too many Palestinians seek martyrdom through suicide bombings. But it is important to remember that the Palestinians as a people do not long for death. On the contrary, they want to survive. As the conflict has developed, all are victims. We live miserable lives, says Maram.