Dancing for her dead mother

Heidi Schrepfer sits on her knees and extends both arms to the ceiling. The long sleeves of the kimono-like jacket hang down to the floor. Her face is facing a Buddhist altarpiece with a picture of a woman. Then the room fills with music and Heidi starts dancing.

20 minutes later the music dies out and Heidi smiles at me:

- "Ruby", which was the mother's nickname, is not a dance about grief; it's a dance of joy about my mother dancing flamenco in the sky.

Heidi is a professional dancer, one who merges traditional Japanese dance with modern dance. She is herself a fusion between races; her father is Swiss and her mother was Japanese.

Was because the mother became one of many earthquake victims when the Japanese port city of Kobe unexpectedly fell victim to the powerful 1995 quake that measured 7,2 on Richter's scale.

Woke up from the quake

It happened on 17. January, early morning. Heidi lived, now and then, in Kyoto, Japan's ancient capital, which is an hour's journey by express train from Kobe.

At a quarter to six, my husband Quintin and I woke up to the whole house shaking. But pretty soon I got a call from a friend who thought Kyoto was the center of the earthquake. Since there was no destruction in the neighborhood, I did not think about it anymore, and got ready for the dance rehearsal that I had on the schedule that morning, Heidi says.

Only when she and her dance colleagues ate lunch later in the day did she learn that the earthquake had gone worst over Kobe.

- When I got home, there was a message on the answering machine from father where he said that everything was fine with him, but not with mother.

However, Heidi still did not dream that her mother could have been killed. But after in vain trying to get through on the phone, her husband left for a motorcycle to find out what had happened to Heidi's parents.

- Died while dreaming

While her husband was in Ashia, the district in Kobe where her parents lived, a friend sat with Heidi and waited at home in Kyoto.

- Mother's jacket, the one I was wearing when I showed you my dance instead, hung on the wall in the room where we sat. Suddenly a gust of wind blew and the jacket blew down from the wall and across the room. Then I knew my mother was dead, and I started crying, Heidi remembers.

The friend noted down the time; it was 9.00 PM.

Shortly afterwards, Heidi's husband from Ashia called and told him what she already knew; her mother – Yoko Uchiyama Schrepfer – was retrieved dead from the ruins at 20.22.

- She turned 60 years old. There were so many dead in the city, corpses were transported here and there. Late in the evening we finally got the body of mother transported home to Kyoto. But I think Mother's spirit remained in the ruined house for many weeks.

Yoko had maximum bad luck when the earthquake struck that fateful morning. She had fallen asleep on the couch in the living room in front of the TV, while the man was asleep in the bedroom on the second floor. Only the part of the house where Heidi's mother slept, collapsed and killed her.

- I do not think even she knew she died. She was probably in her own dream world, Heidi thinks.

Myth about Japanese women

The day after the earthquake, a cremation was held – otsuya – at home with Heidi and her husband, according to Buddhist tradition. Among other things, the mother's flamenco clothes were placed in the coffin.

- Mother was a strong woman; It is a myth that Japanese women are shy and quiet. She was one Edo-co, which reflects on the old name of Tokyo. From the youth she danced, both traditional Japanese dance as well kabuki og well, and western corporate dances and ballet. When I was three years old she brought me into the dance, Heidi says.

But it wasn't until Heidi went to university that her mother started dancing flamenco.

- Flamenco has roots in other countries, but the Japanese can relate to the passion in flamenco, she says.

Her mother is now buried in her Tokyo family grave. But at home in Heidi's dance room, the mother's altarpiece stands.

- It is good to have the altarpiece at home. It allows me to talk to her and feel her presence.

Contact with the deceased

For the presence, Heidi is constantly experiencing, although it took her time to realize it.

For months and years after the earthquake, I cried and cried, thought about everything I should have talked to her about and apologized for. I did not comb my hair, did not want to wake up in the morning and just wanted to stop dancing, she recalls.

- But when things were at their worst, I found a letter from her that she had not sent me. There she wrote that the most important thing in a mother's life is the children.

Over the years, Heidi began to feel a supernatural contact with her mother. She who had not previously believed in spirits and revelations opened the senses to the unknown.

- Now I feel that there is contact between the dead and the living, as well as the living who have not met each other. I have seen visions of my mother and grandparents when I visit the grave, have experienced small signs of the presence of my mother's spirits in everyday life, she philosophizes.

The moment she tells this, one flies semi, an insect the size of a thumb, right on a small bell that hangs on the wall where we sit and chat on the balcony. A pling breaks the silence.

- Look there, now mother is present, she would give a sign that she is with us, Heidi smiles.

- A therapy for me

It would be five years before Heidi felt strong enough to make "Ruby".

- After the earthquake, I did not want to dance alone anymore. I was lonely and had to be with people all the time. First with "Ruby", which is a solo performance, I dared to stand alone on stage again.

- "Ruby" was like a therapy for me, both personally and artistically. But the first time I was to perform the play, I was terrified that my mother's spirits would take me to the realm of the dead, Heidi continues.

To create the dance, she used the cube method, a type of choreography Heidi learned during a stay in France.

- "Ruby" consists of six parts. I did not want to let my emotions determine what the dance would be like, so I let the dice determine the pattern of movement, the shapes and the order in them. There is still a lot of emotion in the dance, she emphasizes, and tells of a surprisingly large response to the play, also from abroad.

Challenges taboos

- Before my mother died, I danced a lot to show myself to the audience. Now dancing is my life. After experiencing how strong nature is, I have realized that I do not know what will happen tomorrow.

Heidi thinks that dissemination of dance is important, and experiences the dance as a reality when she is on stage. It no longer matters what she looks like, if the audience tells her that the dance was beautiful.

- A tear can explain everything if it is pure and real, she says.

Heidi performs every month in Japan, he says nihonju and modern dance, challenging the Japanese traditionalists and taboos.

- They know I studied nihonjubut also that I'm not completely Japanese. Therefore, they agree that I break taboos, Heidi believes.

In November she will go to Paris, where she will have several appearances. "Ruby" and her mother's spirits she certainly takes with her.